In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and
generic
  name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a
generic
  name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil
is
  also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.The
FDA
  has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
  consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
  announced that it has settled on the generic name of
Mycoxafloppin.
  Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin,
  Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.Pfizer Corp. announced today
that
  Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be
marketed
  by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It
  will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a
stiff
  one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it

  gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and
just
  a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new
  concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.Thought for the day:
There is
  more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
than on
  Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
a
  large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and
  absolutely no recollection of what to do with them

 

    Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You
  always
  feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and
  nothing comes out."
  "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy,
  you
  don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat
  bran, sit on
  the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
  "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of
  all."
  "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old..
  "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat

  rock no
  problem at all."
  "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
  "No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
  Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00
  and
  have a bowel movement every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad
  about
  being 80?"
  "I don't wake up until 7:00

Mrs.  Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met
up with Father Flaherty.
 
The Father said, "Top O the mornin' to ye!  Aren't ye Mrs.Donovan and
didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"
 
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
 
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
 
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
 
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light
a candle for ye and yer hoosband.
 
"She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."
 
They then parted ways.
 
Some years later they met again.  The Father asked, "Well now,
Mrs.Donovan, how are ye these days?"
 
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!
 
"The Father asked, "And tell me,have ye any wee ones yet?"
 
She replied, "Oh yes, Father!  Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in
 
all!
 
 
 
The Father said, "That's wonderful!  How is yer loving hoosband doing?"
 
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin'candle."

The Husband Store
 
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
 
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:- "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6
floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights.
 
You may choose any Item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up
to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building!
 
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
 
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:
 
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
 
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
 
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and
are extremely good looking.
 
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
 
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have
Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
 
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
 
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men
Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and
Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
 
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign
reads:
 
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
 
 
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives Store
just across the street.
 
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
 
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
 
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

A young Ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he doing his
show in Ten Mile,Tennessee. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going
through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row
stands up on her chair and starts shouting.
              "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.  What makes you
think you can stereotype woman that way?  What does the colour of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?  It's guys like
you who keep woman like me from being respected at work and the community
and from reaching our full potential as a person.  It is because of you and
your kind who continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds
but woman in general and all in the name of humour!"
                  The embarrassed Ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells, " You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to the little shit on
your knee."